To be or not to be

Yesterday, I fell in the bathroom. So, what’s the big deal? I know that question must be crossing your mind.Falling in the bathroom or elsewhere is a common – everyday occurence, what is so special about my fall? 

One moment, I was perpendicular, 90 degrees to the ground and the next, I was 180 degrees, horizontal and on the ground. To my mind the descent was in ultra slow motion. So slow, that while falling I had the chance to think. I could see the floor and grab the bar coming up at me at me at me…

I clearly remember on the way down to the floor, fully aware of the dire consequences of a head injury wondering whether to end it all there and then and

1. to hell with the cripple’s existence
2. to hell with the continuous dependence
3. to hell with the mess that my present life and living have become
4. to hell with the wheel chair and crutch
5. to hell with the continuous plea for help and assistance

Whether these thoughts and feelings crossed my mind and being at the conscious or unconscious level, I do not know.All I remember is, that at some point the urge to survive was like a war over all the defeatist feelings and I put my hands out and saved my head from injury.This was the first time I had experienced what is generally referred to as the “survival instinct”.

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